We just need to get out more...

House cat, house dog, house, house, house...why not just cat or just dog. There is always that familiar moniker of "house" or "outdoor" put before the type of companion. I ask why? Do you do that with your human children. "Yes, Martha, we decided to have a little boy and he's going to be a house-child. We are going to have his finger-nails pulled out and feed him dry food that will make him lethargic and crap funny. He'll be a perfect compliment to our out-door child that lives in a tent on the back yard." You'd be put in prison if you tried to do that but that's what you do to your pets. How about a little more balance to life. Why confine your companions to such a narrow life? How about if you just let us be companions? Let us come with you wherever it is you might be. Let us see the world.

This was originally supposed to be about cats. Cats really get stuck with this "indoor/outdoor" thing. Why is that? Cats have this "evil overlord" reputation and I think it's because they just don't get out enough. And when they get out, you put them in a box, toss them in the backseat and wonder why they freak out. Hell, if my only view of the outside world was from within the confines of a plastic box I'd howl too. Heck, if my only experiences in riding in the car were from within a box, to and from the vet...well, I can't imagine. Dogs get out more and I have to wonder why? We jump into the car at the first opportunity because we know that it is the way you get to the most amazing places: there is the grocery store parking lot, the gas station and its amazing smells, the wonderous park or the fantasmagorical road trip. OMG, road trips are mine and Zara's favorite thing in the world if for just one reason: french fries! John and Russell always share their french fries on road trips. They are the single most amazing snack ever and I have no idea what's in them. (I am drooling as I type.) But I digress, dogs love the car because we know how fantastic that ride can be. Cats hate the car because, well, they have tainted expectations: the box, the vet, the box, back home. It's like a scene from OZ...without Christopher Miloni. Blech!

Now follow the logic. You don't bring your cat in the car because of how they behave. They freak out because of what the car means to them. Their expectations are built around how you've always taken them in the car. Don't you see how it's not the cat that is the problem? It's you. Once again, it's your behavior that is the problem, not your companion's. Cesar Milan says it well, "I rehabilitate animals, I train people." As a cat lover (I know you're out there somewhere, reading this in a Starbucks.) wouldn't you like a cat that was just a little more...dog-like? Someone to run errands with or enjoy a picnic in the park? Well, get them out of the house more. Make the car ride the great experience that it should be: less prison cell and more hanging your head out the window. Less vet and more grocery store or gas station. And if you're apprehensive about the car try taking them outside. Just plain ol' outside. Pick up a cat harness and leash and go for a walk each day. Dog owners do this every single day. Why don't cat owners? Honestly, why don't cat owners take their companions out of the house? "Cats just don't walk on leashes." Really? You're going to fall back on stereotyping? One cat, off it's lithium, goes bonkers in a car and suddenly cats can't ride in cars. Now none of them even get the opportunity to learn to love the car. Cats climb trees and kill birds so none of get to put on a harness and go for walks. Have you people ever seen Zara go after a squirrel? OMG, have you ever seen her at the dog park?!?! It doesn't stop John and Russell from walking and working with her.

I suppose what I'm trying to get across is quit limiting your companions lives. That new kitten you're getting can be such a great animal if you will just give it/he/she a chance. Take 'em outside and in the car. Let them experience the world so they can accompany you on your journeys through life. That is what we're here for people. We're companions...even cats. Let us accompany you.

Cat Food Hell !!!

OK, I know nobody reads my missives but I refuse to go all complacent. This is about cat food and honestly, cats should be pissed. I mean I thought dog food was a little dicey but cat food takes dreck to a whole new low. The fact that cats are not collectively refusing to use their litter boxes amazes me. Just how weak is their union?!?! Originally, I was going to put paw to computer and write a little editorial about how cats needed to get out more. That totally took a back seat when I managed to pull up some web-site (name escapes me at the moment) and took a look at the ingredients list for a dry cat food. My God it was horrible. Even if cats did get out more, which I think they should, they probably wouldn't have the energy to enjoy it. Everyone thinks cats are all imperious and aloof but the truth is they don't feel good. All this time and energy spent in making cats seem like defacto rulers of the universe is just a big cover-up for the fact that you feed your cats a big bowl full of crap each and every day. Have you taken 2 minutes out of your day to read an ingredients list? Have you? Really? I don't think so.

What is with you humans? We are supposed to be your best friends and, we don't ask for much but, decent food should be a given. The following is part of an ingredients list for a popular dry cat food. It is in order, starting with the very first ingredient. I did not skip anything but did not provide the whole list as my paws would have cramped up. Let's discuss: Poultry by-product meal, corn meal, corn gluten meal, ground whole wheat, brewer rice (probably left over from some third world brewery) soy flour, animal fat (notice they don't tell you what animal), fish meal, meat and bone meal (What kind of meat? 7 day old ground lizard probably.), brewers dried yeast, phosphoric acid (too cheap to use citric acid) and, drum roll please, ANIMAL DIGEST. Animal digest...I had to look that one up. Even with the definition in front of me I'm at a lose to tell you what animal digest actually is. I can tell you this, it's not pretty. And folks, this is what you're feeding your cat. Why, you idiots ask me, is this food bad for my cat? Well, let's discuss.

Cats are carnivores. On top of that, they are not really omnivorous like dogs. Dogs, I am here to testify, will eat most anything. Cats are pretty much solid carnivores. Now that you know what type of pet you have, take a look at the ingredients again. Notice the amount of grains and grain by-products listed. Carnivore people, C-A-R-N-I-V-O-R-E. Their bodies don't know what to do with so much grain in their diet. Honestly, I'm surprised they don't crap on your heads as you sleep. Even the very first ingredient is not meat, it's poultry by-broduct meal. Ugh! Cat's aren't imperious or demanding, they're just pissed off. I can't blame them. If John and Russell fed me cat food, aside from the obvious issues, I'd probably poop myself to death. But before I passed my last wood chip I'd go and pee on everything in their closet. It would be a total revenge piss. Stop feeding your cat crap. Take two (2) minutes and read a label. Then go visit Zane + Zara's pet boutique. You'll find food that will make for a happier cat. A happier, healthier cat is a much better companion. You might even get some kisses instead of that distant, dismissive stare that says, "your job is to fill the bowls and leave the room." I know I'm happier when I'm well fed. Now if they would start allowing me to use the silverware...

Opening a business...just how stupid do you have to be?

Honestly, I've been waiting to write this missive for a long time. And the truth is, this will probably be a multi-day struggle. You see, I'm faced with a dilemma: Do I go all Harvard Business School on you and describe the intricacies of opening up a business in a bad economy or do I tell the truth. And believe me, the two are very different stories. Business School will prepare you for so many things that you'll face when opening a business. But, Business School will never be able to prepare you for two things: the whims of the consumer and the fact that most of the time you have to be a stark, raving lunatic to go into business for yourself. If you cannot make your peace with those two things you really need to rethink going into business for yourself.

I'm being very truthful here - if you're not prepared for the consumer to reject some, part or all of your business, your baby, your heart and soul - you probably need to stay in corporate america. Because, they will reject something. No amount of market research, corner polling or advertising will insulate you from the big, Roman thumbs down. Emotionally you need a thick leathery skin. And that stark, raving lunatic comment could not be closer to the truth. There is no good time to open a business and our current economic climate makes things that much worse. But the lunatic will grab onto any positive moment and run like hell. Example: Businesses are failing right and left, record high unemployment has seized the country but rents are low. The lunatic ignores the first two points and grabs the third like a cheap Las Vegas cocktail waitress. After all, cheap rent is something that will help a business survive. This is the mantra of a lunatic and said lunatic will chant this at any occasion. There's cheap rent or, oh and I love this one, "all of my competition has gone out of business or scaled back so much that there is an opportunity." Honey, there's no competition because the economy is a wreck. Just what are you thinking?!?! But the lunatic perseveres. They are not blind to the obstacles; just way more focused on the positive. John and Russell are lunatics to the core. You have never met two people who could focus so much energy on something positive.

Now, just how does a Thick Skinned Lunatic go about starting a business? The TSL needs a motivation. But for a TSL is needs to be a special motivation. Having a great product or idea is simply not enough for a TSL. A TSL will stand for years at the precipice of the cliff but never jump until that special motivation comes along. For John and Russell it was cancer and that fight with cancer motivated my two TSL's to do a lot of soul searching. Now, mind you, a special motivation does not have to be life threatening...but it helps. TSL's, you see, are drama queens. John and Russell felt that they were given a second chance at life.  They knew that their circumstances could have easily taken a different turn. Just what was this second chance going to look like?

Russell had a little dog walking business already, and as the economy got worse he seemed to get busier. This prompted a little, "can we do something with this?" Well, they both love animals, have retail experience and management backgrounds, so why not a little shoppe...a little pet store. And, as they are total lunatics, this just became completely obvious to them. A high-end pet boutique is just what they'd like to do. It would parlay the dog walking business into something greater. Now a sane person would point out that they really didn't have any experience in running a pet supply store. Hotels, office design, airlines, retail clothing, yes, but pet supply? Nope. Just how was this going to work? The lunatic does not say how. The lunatic just makes it happen. Lunatics are sort of like artists.

A great sculptor does not see a giant piece of marble. Michealangelo did not see the marble, he saw the David within. I would venture a guess that if you could go back in time and speak with him, Michealangelo would tell you that he simply removed all of the marble that didn't look like David. A TSL lunatic looks at a business the same way. If you remove all of the obstacles what you are left with is the business you dreamed of. Goal set, John and Russell went about removing all obstacles. And boy were there obstacles.

The story goes that there were three obstacles in the very beginning: How to finance it, where to put it and what to name it. The disagreements were over the name of all things. There was an uneasy truce over the name Zara's Stuff. John thought it was cute and breezy but Russell thought it lacked direction and dignity. And then I came along. As you might have noticed in their business practices, John and Russell will bend over backwards to make a customer feel like they are being treated fairly. It is instinctive to them and permeates their lives. With my adoption they decided that I needed to be added to the coming marquee.  So it was decided that the store would be Zane + Zara's pet boutique. Zara's Stuff, inc. became the parent company for the store and the dog walking business. What to name it was checked off the list. Now, where to put it.

Being lunatics, they were not going to know where to put it until they saw it. They involved their real estate broker and the hunt began. Two spaces quickly rose to the top. One was small but it spoke to them and what they wanted the store to be: food, fashion and fun. The other was large...too large maybe. But it was a shell ready to be customized and the owner was offering 6-months of free rent. They discussed and discussed and discussed. It was just so big. But the location was good. Starbucks across the street, Red Line stop about three blocks away and a 5 minute walk from our condo. And did I mention, 6-months free rent? Who, in their right mind, passes up 6-months of free rent? They put in an offer. Floor plans were drawn and the excitement began to percolate. Well, fate has a way of protecting the lunatics. Or at least giving them little lints. The condo association, as they had done in the past, began to give the owner problems. Did we really want 10 years of legal trouble? Was this beautiful space worth the potential trouble. John and Russell politely bowed out. At that point their real estate guy said they should take a look at a space near his office. It was a more manageable size, brand new and in a great neighborhood: Roscoe Village. They saw, they loved and the rest is history.

Financing this endeavor was probably one of the most complex issues Russell and John faced. And it forced them to do something away from the lunacy. It forced them to do a business plan. Common sense told them that they really didn't want to use their own money. Using someone else's money is always a better idea. But who was going to loan money to them for a start up in a bone-suckingly bad economy? Well, how about the Small Business Administration?  Isn't that what they're for...loaning money to small businesses? The online resources from the SBA are substantial and very useful. For the uninitiated there were lessons on business plans, financing, renting vs owning, tax information, et al. As bright as they are, John and Russell made good use of the SBA web-site.

The rest of the story is typical lunacy. An obstacle would pop up and they'd remove it. The master plan for this endeavor called Zane + Zara's became a living entity. It grows and evolves every single day. John and Russell set out to be a destination for all those looking for the best in dog and cat products. You need to come in a see how they are succeeding. Come in and say hello to the lunatics.