Fruity in all it's glory.

OK, regarding the whole 'fruity' incident, did I over react? Boy, that really seems to be the question. I'll admit it, I over reacted. Was it justified or do I need to relax a little. It's a good question. I suppose you have to know me. I'll start with a little back ground information and see if I can tie it all together at the end.

You see, I've been a 'fruit' all of my life. Yeah, I've been gay, a sissy, a queer and a fag but, for the most part, I've been a fruit. I managed to work with that. I mean overall it's not a bad word...fruit. And with this little word in my pocket, I did what most people who are away from the norm do, I coped. I developed a thick skin, a quick wit and the ability to fade into the background when necessary. Other's develop different coping mechanisms but, those were mine. I went through high school as safely as possible. Though, I have to say, that wit thing was probably my most successful defense mechanism. When threatened I did not run, or fade, or shrink - I got loud and usually funny. Having no fear of attention, I could cause a scene like few others. This is a knack I still have today. In my high school year-book the powers that be put together the perfect student using attributes from various individuals. I was picked for my individuality. If they only understood the amount of effort that I put into being average. I kept my grades average, I had average pursuits away from school, and excelled at none of them, and I did things expected of a young man. I didn't want to be noticed for who I was, as I was the 'fruit.'I didn't want to be the 'fruit.' I knew the connotations but I really didn't know why or how it applied to me. It just was.

Many of you will have no idea what I'm talking about short of the sexual references but this isn't, at its heart, about being gay. It's about being different and you have to be different to recognize why I went off on the 'fruity' woman. With a nod towards those who see the differences in us all, most of the United States' population are two things: white and straight. You can take these thing together or separately. If you are not these things, you are different. And as a populous, we are tough on those who are different. Even when we are trying to be nice to them, we're hard on them. Fruit is a gentle way to say, well, fag. My brother would use it to tease me like brothers are apt to do. It was used as a way to taunt but not crush. As a way to tease but not draw blood. And this is a strange thing for many of us to recognize as it is built into how we interact. Look at the word 'black.' If someone has skin, darker than the standard population, they are black. The sum of their parts is a color. And we're not trying to insult anyone, it's just thought of as a valid description: they're 'black.' Personally, I love Asian. You take four people and put them in a boat. One Korean, one Japanese, one Chinese and one American. All of them are capable of telling where the others are from: the American knows the others are Asian. I'm off point here, sorry. The truth is, these descriptions have histories and we need to recognize that.

The word 'fruit' has a history for, not just, me but every gay man who has ever cringed hearing it. That cute little slam that was easier to take than 'faggot' so you let it slide or even laughed along. That night, while I didn't laugh along, I did let it slide and I shouldn't have. I should have done what I do best and that is draw attention to myself: the fruit. I should have called her on it. Instead, I let it fester until it came out all over Facebook. Probably not my finest moment.

Today I had a friend come into Zspa for a peek, We chatted about all sorts of things and I made the comment that it looked like the gayest place on earth. She sort of made a sigh of relief in that I had just signaled it was OK to poke a little fun. I felt bad because there was this feeling that I had stripped that ability from her with my little Facebook tirade. That was not my intent. Look, I'm a grown man now. I am not that wounded high school student. I give thanks everyday for the upbringing I was given because along with getting older, I grew an ability to laugh at myself. I credit my family for that ability. There are parts of me that are so stereotypical I must glow at night. My friends, gay and straight, know that they can make fun of me...all of me. But there was no humor in 'fruity.' It was just a blunt adjective. It was used to describe something she didn't like so, it was used negatively. "This leash is too fruity." It was a leash for God's sake not some Carmen Miranda hat for dogs. Just where do you get the guts to come into my store and toss around the word 'fruity' to describe things  you don't like? THAT got under my skin. Did I over-react? No, my timing was just off. I should have taken care of business right then-and-there. I would have felt better and people wouldn't be going around saying I need to chill out. Lesson learned.

And I have to make note of just one more thing: fruity girl's dog. Now I'm not one to point fingers but there is all sorts of irony at play here. I mean this dog was all of 8 lbs and looked to be a Poodle. I'm just sayin'.