Dick Larkin

OK, we're just going to cut the crap here: this is John. Read this to discover how I just had my ass handed to me.

Yesterday I returned a phone call from Mr. Dick Larkin. He told me that he is a rep for The Yellow Pages (not an accurate name but you get the idea) that mostly caters to smaller communities. He was a jovial guy to chat with and customer of Zane + Zara's. His interest in speaking with me was all centered around our usage of Living Social. Living Social is one of the rapidly multiplying internet coupon sights. He was very curious as to why we, as a retail establishment, would utilize one of these internet coupon sights.

A quick study guide for an internet coupon sight. The vendor, Zane + Zara's, sets a coupon amount and some basic rules such as: how many can be purchased, when they expire, etc, etc. We chose to do a "pay $25 get $50 merchandise certificate that excluded food products. The devil, as they say, is in the details. The basic 50% off coupon strips us of any profit because of our cost structure. You add on to this that when Living Social cuts us our check for the coupons purchased they take 40% of the $25 purchase price and then send us the balance. So, what we agreed to was allowing a customer to come into our store, purchase $50 worth of merchandise and we would receive $15. We lose money on every person that redeems a coupon but for the very few who over-spend the coupon amount. What we did get was a very high percentage of customers who have never been into our store. Whether they ever come back in is up to debate and will only be answered by time. Mr. Larkin has most assuredly made an attempt to keep these potential customers from ever returning.

As I said, Dick was a jovial guy to speak with. I had already been in contact with The Roscoe Village Chamber of Commerce about their offer to act as a conduit between local businesses and Groupon. I wanted them to know of our experience with Living Social and how the cost structure is very expensive for a retail establishment. They put me in contact with Groupon itself. I told them that while their idea is great they needed to be more upfront with stores and how the costs and benefits can be skewed based on what type of business they operate. When Dick began to question me, I was primed and ready. I absorbed his whole sob story about being driven out of business by Walmart and how he was trying to help small town businesses succeed. He was very upfront about really wanting to talk about internet coupons and what effect they had on our store. Boy did we talk and talk and talk and talk.

I suppose what has really gotten under my skin is how many of the facts for his blog have been altered.

• This one hurt too: the coupon almost put us out of business. If a bad advertising decision put us out of business, we're living far to close to the edge to begin with. We have made many bad decisions and we're still kicking. The good thing is that we seem to be making far more good decisions than bad ones. If I'm not mistaken, this is how it's supposed to work.
• All coupons have been redeemed and we have received a $1500 check from Living Social. Well, in truth only 92 coupons were sold (very successful) and only about a dozen have been redeemed. As for the check from Living Social, not at the store yet. Maybe in a week or so. 
• Let's look at, "Didn't the coupon holders buy more merchandise than just the $50." "Not a chance!" is my quote. The truth is the majority have kept their purchases close to the $50. A few have  bought above the amount of the coupon, though. I suppose it's the semantics here that bother me. "Not a chance!" makes me sound angry and put-out by the customer. I don't think anyone who knows or has interacted with me thinks that I would blame a poor decision by myself and Russell on our customer. We actually like what we do and the people who come into our store.
• The idea put forth by Dick that he initiated the conversation about us perhaps having future benefits from the customers brought in by the coupon and my saying, "It's possible but I don't think so. We attracted every cheapskate in Chicago..." Actually is a total flip of that piece of conversation. I have said to Dick, The Chamber of Commerce, our neighbors and the Groupon rep, that the one thing that might salvage this coupon for us is the new customers coming into our store. If they are only motivated by the "deal" well, yes, we will probably never see them again. If they are interested in, what we think, is a unique shopping experience and a fair price for great products then, we'll see them again. 
• Oh, and I love this one, "John, who owns a high-end pet boutique in Chicago." OK, yes the vaseline on the lens did obscure my face but, just how dumb is Dick? Everyone put the call out, how many John's own high-end pet boutiques in Chicago who just participated in an internet coupon. Actually, just how many John's own pet boutiques in Chicago. Should I start expecting invitations to little cocktail get-togethers so all of us boutique owning Johns can make shop talk?
• This is my last bullet point as I'm beginning to bore myself and my hurt feelings are starting to subside. (It's the ice cream.) 1500 sq ft is NOT TINY damn it! People say it every day, "wow, this place goes back further than it seems." The condos above us are 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. We have families living above us. And have you seen our heating bill during the winter. We may not be Macy's but we are NOT TINY. Dick's dog is TINY. Oh, and on a side-street? Side-street my ass! We are directly on W Roscoe. We are surrounded by great food and cool shops and a gym that is going to be the death of me. If W Roscoe is a side-street than so is Southport and we have TWO grocery stores. Has that Jewel on Southport even got a roof yet? And it's 4 steps down, not seven. I don't know why that bugs me but it does. I put a mop to those steps at least once a week and there are 4 of them. If ya' can't count, ya' can't blog Dick.

Now, what has been the point of all this ranting? Well, the point is Dick. He reps for The Yellow Pages and his lunch, I assume, is being eaten by the internet coupon businesses. If you are the correct business, they offer a huge bang for your buck. We, along with thousands and thousands and thousands of businesses have never even thought of taking a Yellow Pages ad. Think about it, when was the last time you actually picked up a Yellow Pages? If I need information, I go to my computer, my web-enabled phone or the GPS in my car. The Yellow Pages are a dying collection of ads and Dick is going to fight that fact with every weapon he has at his disposal. I thought I was just chatting with a sympathetic ear and made ANOTHER mistake. 

Am I thrilled with how our coupon has worked for us? No. Will we ever repeat this mistake? Probably not but at my age the memory is the first thing to go. Will I allow Dick's blog to go unchallenged? Well, we have that answer, don't we? Dick, I've visited your Facebook page and I don't recognize you or your dog but, if I were you, I wouldn't come in Zane + Zara's again. You see, I'm a forgive and forget kind of guy but Zane and Zara, that's their names up on the marque.  They might very well take you out back and beat you about your head and shoulders with a stuffed squirrel and then force you to watch as Zara bites its little head off. I've seen these two in action. It's not pretty.

John Ira Smith

Zane + Zara's