OK, I don’t know what’s gotten into me but this is my second blog in a week. I think this issue is just on my mind a lot. I want to talk about animal testing. Let’s not be coy here, we’re not talking about the SAT’s for your cat. We’re talking about testing products or substances on helpless animals. This ranks up there with the cosmetic mutilation of my bretherin. You’ll happily wack off our tails or slice off pieces of our ears and now I find out that you’ll put our heads in little stockades so that you can test chemicals in our eyes or on our skin. Live animal testing, have you completely lost your minds?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no tree hugging vegan. I understand the food chain and that bad things happen to good squirrils. What I don’t understand is this wanton disrespect for other animals. There is some nobility in an animal losing its life to feed another. It is a cycle that has been in place since the beginning of time. As a matter of fact this whole vegetarian thing is actually a pretty recent manefestation of human guilt over killing for food. Trust me people, if you still had to hunt to survive you’d never see a vegetarian. But the idea that live animals are being used for research and development in the modern world sickens me.
And, yes, I understand that eventually all things get tested on a live animal. And nobody wants to be the inventor of the next Thalidomide. Personally, I’d happily volunteer to be an advanced kibble tester but just how much redundant knowledge do you people need? If you put Mr. Clean in your eyes it will burn and blind you. Did we really need to strap down little bunnies and actually put Mr. Clean in their eyes to confirm that? Really? You couldn’t just slap a label on the bottle that says, “Product contains: ammonioa and a host of other wicked things. DON’T PUT IT IN YOUR EYES! IT WILL BLIND YOU. That wouldn’t have been enough? Or cigarettes, I love this one. Humans were dropping right and left from lung cancer. There was a huge amount of aticdotal evidence that the lung cancer was being precipitated by years of smoking. Yet, everyone thought it was necessary to force chimpanzies into developing six pack-a-day habits so we could “confirm” a relationship between smoking and lung cancer. Decades of smoking chimps to “confirm” what everyone knew. Smoking will kill you. But, and you have to love this, cigarettes are still legal, Humans really are idiots sometimes. And then there is the whole make-up thing. Let’s test make-up on poor innocent animals. Inject them with dyes, drip foundation (formally lead-based you very smart humans) into their eyes, shove little cotton balls laced with perfume up their asses...(OK, that one is a stretch but, I’m pissed off at the moment.) You do all this so that you can have products who’s only purpose is to increase your fragile self-esteem. I don’t know how the entire planet has not rejected you.
Have you ever sat back and wondered how the whole free-range, organic thing came about? This is all about consumer guilt. You discovered, after a century of hiding your heads in the sand, how chickens and other farm animals were mass produced. And it wasn’t pretty. You discovered after decades of using pesticides and artificial fertilizers that maybe, just maybe growing bigger and bigger fruits and vegetables wasn’t worth the strange new litiney of ailments that were, if I may trade a pun, cropping up in your children. And then you discovered that, by lowering your costs by not cagging your chickens or spraying your vegetables, you could actually charge more for them. Do less, charge more is the American dream. You are sly devils, you humans.
So what needs to be done about this "animal testing" thing? How about STOP IT. I said in the beginning, I'm no tree hugging, panties in a twist, nature worshiping, pagan. I understand that animal testing is a requirement for things that are going to be consumed by animals. The HIV vaccine, when it comes, will have been rigorously tested on many live animals and everyone should understand that this process is necessary. I understand that. What I don't understand is MAKE-UP and CLEANSERS or CIGARETTES. Just how do you justify this sort of criminal abuse? Animals have highly developed nervous systems just like humans. We feel pain. Yet, you find it necessary to inject us with cleansers or dyes or, I don't know, fuel additives just to find out what sort of horrible reaction you can coax out of us. We scream, we writhe in pain and some of us will actually kill ourselves in the attempt to escape. What kind of sociopath does that kind of research? Just who raises a child that makes a career out of this kind of torture? "Hi, my name is Mark and I test cleansers on animals. I become sexually aroused by the screams of bunnies." Do these psychopaths actually date? Talk about a small pool of prospects. I said it, just STOP IT. If you know the stuff should not be consumed, you don't need to test it. Just slap a label on it that says, "DO NOT CONSUME, APPLY OR INJECT. THIS STUFF WILL DO YOU HARM UP TO OR INCLUDING DEATH." This should be a generic label. And if there is evidence that something will kill you, who's only function is to be consumed, take it off the market. CIGARETTES people, take them off the market. They have no redeeming qualities. I don't care what the argument is, just take them off the market. So Philip Morris goes out of business, I don't care. If you smoke, you're an idiot. No more cigarettes then you have to quit. Hump the fact that it is a personal choice and a legal product. It kills tens of thousands of people every year. BAN THEM!!!
OK, that's my tirade for now. Stop this pathetic excuse for research. Ban animal testing under many circumstances. Cosmetics: banned. Known poisons: banned. If it is not designed for consumption: banned. If you folks want to test stupid stuff on animals go find a human being who's willing. Want to find out if a new foundation or rouge causes a rash or blindness, slather it on a human test subject. No body needs to see some poor, whored up bunny going blind from a new mascara. I know I don't.
Zane
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