Plastic surgery for your dog....or cat.

Hello Minions!

OK, while this post doesn't directly involve John, as many do, it does stem from a conversation he had with another, so called, dog lover. John was at some meeting involving his other job, away from the store. He got involved in a conversation about Doberman Pinchers and how this woman had just had her puppies' ears cropped. Well, John almost popped a vein. And so our story begins...

Are you people idiots or what?!?! Now I may live a rather sheltered life but, am I to understand, that you chop off parts of your dog for the sake of aesthetics? Is that what happened to my tail? I thought I had been in some sort of car accident or maybe lost it to tail cancer at a very young age. Now I find out that someone had my tail cut off for the sake of appearances!!! APPEARANCES!!! Who am I - freakin' Joan Rivers?!?! I am furious!

And don't think this didn't trigger some research on my part. You pathetic humans have decided that in order to be the "standard of the breed" some of us have to have surgery. Someone has to take an ax to a tail or pinking shears to ears in order for a dog to hold it's head up high in society. Pardon my French but, you can bite my hairy little ass! I thought it was bad enough that white boxers were not considered breed standards. (What is it with you humans and color?) Now I find out that the ears and tails all of us are born with are, what, MISTAKES! And it's not every breed. Only the select few of us are subject to this barbarity: Boxers, Dobies, Pits, any number of terriers, etc. You humans really make me sick sometimes.

I can tell you this, anybody know the name Jocelyn Wildenstein? For those of you not in-the-know, she's the daft broad in New York high-society that has had her appearance so completely altered that they just call her the "cat woman." You can actually Google the words "cat woman" and her picture pops up. Come the day that dogs rule the world, we're going to decree that this is the physical standard for humans. From that day on, all humans will be forced to go under the knife in order to look more like cats. Those that aren't lucky enough to be butchered will have to wear little signs that read, "Not Best of Breed." How does that set with you? I'll even add to that and remind everyone it was a goal of the Nazis that everyone have blue eyes. They actually used to experiment on humans trying to change the colors of their eye's iris. I'm just sick to my stomach over this.

Why are humans so intent on not taking appearances just as they come? You segregate everyone by how they appear and, when you can, you try to change them. What is wrong with my floppy ears? What was wrong with my TAIL? Zara has these beautiful, satellite dish like ears. Are you telling me that we need to take her to the surgeon and have them reshaped? Zelda would certainly look more fierce if her ears were upright and pointed. Is that what the world needs -  fierce looking Zelda? I have met many Dobermans. The ones with pointy ears do look intimidating. But the ones with natural ears look gorgeous and reflect what must be a hound ancestry. Honestly, an uncut Dobie looks like a dog ready for the hunt. What in the hell is wrong with that? Who decided that Dobermans needed to look like they're ready to tear your arm off? Who's dick was so small that they had to have a mean looking Doberman? I need this answer.

I'll probably never get these answers. Humans are a deeply flawed species. You judge everyone by how they look. When they don't look like you want them to, you force them to change. Now I find out that you actually resort to forced surgery. I mean, it's not like we dogs get a say in the matter. You force us to go under the knife. And the excuse is, "It's the standard for the breed." Why don't you take a step back and realize that the standard for the breed is just how we're born. I'm white, with a blue eye and a brown eye. My ears are floppy and I once had a nice long tail. I WAS standard for the breed. What was wrong with my standard? For my Doberman friends, with their long tails and floppy ears, what is wrong with their standard? Why do you need your dog to look intimidating or have a short tail? Are you so insecure that you need your dog to have plastic surgery? Are you?

I'm asking for a complete boycott of plastic surgery on dogs...and cats. Actually, do they do this on cats? Are people out there docking the tails off their cats? Wait, didn't I read something about people who have their cat's claws removed? You people are just barbaric! I think I'm going to put together a web-site about this. No more cosmetic surgery on your pets! Ugh! I can just imagine what Joan Rivers' dog looks like. Probably has this very surprised look on it face and an inability to blink. Freaks.

Two more new things.

Hey People,

We just got in two more new things. The first one is just a good, everyday thing and the second is simply fantastic! A cookie you can share with your dog. Cat's, maybe not so much. They don't strike me as the crunchy, tropical-flavored cookie types.

This is a quick substitution for something that the vast majority of you never do: brush your dog's teeth. This probiotic spray is made by the same people that make the Kissable tooth paste and tooth brush: Caine and Able. Now, I don't know if this is an actual irony or not but, it's strange that a company that sells tooth brushes and tooth paste would offer a more convenient alternative. Humans!

These are the new Barkaroo Bakery cookies from Hawai'i. OMG are they the most fantastic thing or what? John and Russell just took a little vacation to Kaua'i, HI. They made a visit to the Kaua'i Humane Society. From their descriptions it is a stellar facility. Well, they saw these cookies and bought three bags as gifts for us kids. As if a cookie will smooth things over with us. WE did not get to go to Hawai'i. We will not soon forget. Needless to say the cookies were a huge hit. Lots of tropical flavors: guava, pineapple, mango, etc. And, get this, all human grade ingredients. It is a cookie you can share with your dog!!! John says the mango ones taste like Nilla Wafers. And again, we are at the subject of, "why can humans eat the dog's food and the dog cannot do the same?" Really people, we're getting upset here. Hands out of the cookie jar or someone is going to get bit. Well, Russell called the company. It is a little family owned operation on the island. They were thrilled to hear from us and had a shipment on it's way the next day. The price is surprisingly good at $11.99 for a bag. We bought the smaller size so they are also great training treats. You just HAVE to come in and pick up a bag.

This is called a Bento Box. You'll have to be familiar with Asian, specifically Japanese, culinary treats to get the reference. It's sort of a sample box of taste sensations. This one is a variety of cookies made by the same Barkaroo Bakery in Kaua'i, HI. The price is $12.99. Not only is this a great idea for your dog but, as all Barkaroo Bakery products do, it makes a fantastic gift. And let's get this straight, when the lid pops off, you had better be giving us a treat. If you eat it for yourself we will poop on your bed...under the covers.

Keep your nose to the ground and remember you'll be finding lots of cool new stuff at Zane + Zara's during May.

Zane

New Stuff at Zane + Zara's

Hey, it's actually Zane again. Not that I've minded loaning out my space to John but, geez does he have to stir the pot so vigorously? I have taken some pictures of new stuff at Zane + Zara's. This is just the tip of the iceberg. New stuff will be coming in almost weekly. Please drop in any time to say hello and check out the new products.

Is is me or does this display look like a cow exploded on the table and some deranged monkey is hanging out waiting for the cops to show up.

Zoe opened the box these were in and screamed. She ran through the store hollering for some divine intervention. John made her touch one just to laugh at her.

New toys by HuggleHounds They're are soft and plush on the outside but very, very tough on the inside. Still, not a toy you'd give to Zara. There'd be so much dead octopus in the house you'd think you were in a sushi bar.

Honestly, do you need a bigger Bully Stick? If the answer is yes, than we have the product for you. You can also use them as canes, splints or TV button pushers....if your set is that old.

These strike me as the answer to a question that nobody asked. Some people are content to feed their dogs Snausages, others are more inclined to pick a higher quality product. In all truth, you humans could pop a couple of these in the frying pan and cook them up for Saturday breakfast. But again I ask, how would you feel if I snatched something off your plate? That fried chicken breast is looking pretty tasty right about now...

Speaking of tasty, this is the new Tiki Dog. If you're a cat lover you've probably heard of Tiki Cat. Tiki Dog runs along the same line: ultra, ultra, ultra high quality dog food. It is on the pricy side but if you want the very best for your dog this should be on your short list. John is thinking of putting a little on a cracker and using it as doggy hors d'oeuvres for our big One Year Anniversary. I just slipped on my own drool.

If you like a retractable leash and do not have a huge dog, this is a product you might like to look at. You put on the wristband and the retractable leash pretty much fits in the palm of your hand. Very chic and compact. Nice positive lock also.

The ever popular Doggy Bag duffels now in multi-packs. I know, they're poop bags but damnit they're scented.

And look, Grandma Lucy's treats. I would have pictured a shelf full of them but we can't keep them on said shelf. The packaging could not be any cuter and as they are Grandma Lucy's the ingredients are spectacular. And there goes the drool again! I'm just going to strap a bucket to my chin.

As for the future: well, look out new cookies from Kaua'i, Hawai'i. All tropical flavors and delicious for both man and beast. Look out for new leashes and collars and toys. Just how cool is the future?

Spring is just around the corner.

OK, I gave John his 15 minutes of fame but now it's back to business. There is just so much to talk about these days. First: I have to give a big shout out to Zelda. Zelda is the most recent addition to our family. While I'm not real thrilled about having another bitch in the house (Wonder if that'll get by the censors?) I have to admit she's very, very sweet. She's about Zara's size so you know I'm not threatened at all...really, not threatened at all. Yes, they both give me that look that says, "Your legs are so going to get bitten." But I'm not threatened. Besides, they can't get to me while I'm on the kitchen island. If I could just think of a way to get my bed up here I'd be set. Still not threatened though.

On to other things. Lots of changes coming to Zane + Zara's pet boutique for Spring/Summer. All of us just got back from the World Pet Expo in Orlando. So much cool stuff. New toys, new collars and leads, new bedding, new hair care products, new, new, new. We found a great new line of toys called HuggleHounds. Granted it sounds a lot like Huggies but it's not. It's HuggleHounds. Huggies would be diapers for dogs and that's a whole 'nuther blog. HuggleHounds toys are made sort of along the line of Mighty Toys. They have this tough nylon interior but are covered by a wonderful plush cordoroy. Personally, I can't wait to get hold of one. Zara will, of course, be banned from having them. Let's face it, on the destructablity scale, she's more of an antler girl...or tractor tire. But I digress...They also have this toy that has no stuffing that  you can put an empty water bottle in. OMG, the crinkling sound is just enough to cause a frenzy. Bite, shake, bite, shake: I'm dizzy just thinking about it. John says that he wants to put a full water bottle in one and give it to Zara. Could you just die at the idea?!?! She'd clamp down on it with her jaws of fury and *POW* it would blow like...geez where's a good metaphor when you need it. Let's just say it would be big and she'd have a real surprised look on her face. What a hoot!

And we can't forget fashion. Zara decided that our line up of collars and leashes needed a little fleshing out, especially when it comes to the basics. We are  bringing in a line called Timberwolf. These are ultra high quality and made in America. Basic colors: black, red, blue, green, purple, brown in a variety of styles. We think they'll be perfect for any occasion that doesn't require something from our fancier lines. Speaking of fancier lines, you'll also see new styles from Up Country, Gwen Gear and Wiggles Wags and Whiskers. And for you sporting dogs remember, we always carry a full line of collars and leads from Dublin Dog. Never worry about getting wet or dirty when you have a Dublin Dog collar on. You just wipe the mess right off.

Oh, and what would Spring and Summer be without new bedding from West Paws, Jax and Bones and those lux people at Bessie and Barnie. Also, expect to see some really great new products from Bessie and Barnie. They have a new vest-style harness and can now do harnesses in almost any fabric they can make a blanket or bed in to. You can be so coordinated it will frighten the neighbor's cat. And wait until you see the monkey fabrics. I thought John was going to stroke out. I swear he asked them if they'd make sheets out of it. Like he and Russell need monkey sheets. Geez, like the Wonder Woman ones aren't bad enough. Humans!

And don't forget, you're not Top Dog, or cat, if you smell bad or have split-ends. We're bringing in a new line of Shampoos and Conditioners from Juno's Garden. All natural of course and formulated for almost any occasion. They smell fantastic though I am loath to try them out. It's not the product mind you, I just don't like baths. If I wanted to bathe I'd just lick myself more often. Then again, that would just make me a cat.

There is, of course, much more. Suffice to say, change is coming. And...AND...work is progressing on the revamp of the Zane + Zara's web-site. This is huge! Soon you will be able to make purchases online at www.zaneandzaras.com. Could you just plotz?!?! Need food but you can't find time to run by the store or even call. Just sign on and buy. We will, as always, deliver it too you. Find yourself out of town with no cool toys? Just sign on and buy. We will be happy to overnight it too you. Find yourself in a small southern town, locked up because your tags are expired? Well, you're on your own for that one. Drop us a note and tell us how the food is behind bars. If it's really bad, just sign on and buy. We will ship it too you along with a file. OMG! We are so excited about online shopping. Bloomingdale's eat your heart out.

OK, that's about it for now. My paws are tired and my eyes are beginning to cross. John has been moving things around the store and I have to say the atmosphere is much more open. And John has brought in very nice, artificial plants. Yes, they look great but, come on, we're a pet store. Everything floor level has been peed on at least once. Do we need the incentive of it looking like a tree. I swear if he starts decorating with fire hydrants I'm just going to stay home. We're also beginning to get in tasty new foods and nibbles: Tiki Dog for the truly luxe palate and some treats made by a family bakery in Kaua'i, Hawai'i called Barkaroo Bakery. These are actually treats that you can share with your dog. All human grade ingredients and just yummy for everyone. John and Russell ate half the bag of Passion Fruit. Not that I objected but if I took something off of their plate....I'm just saying.

Woof

Zane