Plastic surgery for your dog....or cat.

Hello Minions!

OK, while this post doesn't directly involve John, as many do, it does stem from a conversation he had with another, so called, dog lover. John was at some meeting involving his other job, away from the store. He got involved in a conversation about Doberman Pinchers and how this woman had just had her puppies' ears cropped. Well, John almost popped a vein. And so our story begins...

Are you people idiots or what?!?! Now I may live a rather sheltered life but, am I to understand, that you chop off parts of your dog for the sake of aesthetics? Is that what happened to my tail? I thought I had been in some sort of car accident or maybe lost it to tail cancer at a very young age. Now I find out that someone had my tail cut off for the sake of appearances!!! APPEARANCES!!! Who am I - freakin' Joan Rivers?!?! I am furious!

And don't think this didn't trigger some research on my part. You pathetic humans have decided that in order to be the "standard of the breed" some of us have to have surgery. Someone has to take an ax to a tail or pinking shears to ears in order for a dog to hold it's head up high in society. Pardon my French but, you can bite my hairy little ass! I thought it was bad enough that white boxers were not considered breed standards. (What is it with you humans and color?) Now I find out that the ears and tails all of us are born with are, what, MISTAKES! And it's not every breed. Only the select few of us are subject to this barbarity: Boxers, Dobies, Pits, any number of terriers, etc. You humans really make me sick sometimes.

I can tell you this, anybody know the name Jocelyn Wildenstein? For those of you not in-the-know, she's the daft broad in New York high-society that has had her appearance so completely altered that they just call her the "cat woman." You can actually Google the words "cat woman" and her picture pops up. Come the day that dogs rule the world, we're going to decree that this is the physical standard for humans. From that day on, all humans will be forced to go under the knife in order to look more like cats. Those that aren't lucky enough to be butchered will have to wear little signs that read, "Not Best of Breed." How does that set with you? I'll even add to that and remind everyone it was a goal of the Nazis that everyone have blue eyes. They actually used to experiment on humans trying to change the colors of their eye's iris. I'm just sick to my stomach over this.

Why are humans so intent on not taking appearances just as they come? You segregate everyone by how they appear and, when you can, you try to change them. What is wrong with my floppy ears? What was wrong with my TAIL? Zara has these beautiful, satellite dish like ears. Are you telling me that we need to take her to the surgeon and have them reshaped? Zelda would certainly look more fierce if her ears were upright and pointed. Is that what the world needs -  fierce looking Zelda? I have met many Dobermans. The ones with pointy ears do look intimidating. But the ones with natural ears look gorgeous and reflect what must be a hound ancestry. Honestly, an uncut Dobie looks like a dog ready for the hunt. What in the hell is wrong with that? Who decided that Dobermans needed to look like they're ready to tear your arm off? Who's dick was so small that they had to have a mean looking Doberman? I need this answer.

I'll probably never get these answers. Humans are a deeply flawed species. You judge everyone by how they look. When they don't look like you want them to, you force them to change. Now I find out that you actually resort to forced surgery. I mean, it's not like we dogs get a say in the matter. You force us to go under the knife. And the excuse is, "It's the standard for the breed." Why don't you take a step back and realize that the standard for the breed is just how we're born. I'm white, with a blue eye and a brown eye. My ears are floppy and I once had a nice long tail. I WAS standard for the breed. What was wrong with my standard? For my Doberman friends, with their long tails and floppy ears, what is wrong with their standard? Why do you need your dog to look intimidating or have a short tail? Are you so insecure that you need your dog to have plastic surgery? Are you?

I'm asking for a complete boycott of plastic surgery on dogs...and cats. Actually, do they do this on cats? Are people out there docking the tails off their cats? Wait, didn't I read something about people who have their cat's claws removed? You people are just barbaric! I think I'm going to put together a web-site about this. No more cosmetic surgery on your pets! Ugh! I can just imagine what Joan Rivers' dog looks like. Probably has this very surprised look on it face and an inability to blink. Freaks.