Dick Larkin

OK, we're just going to cut the crap here: this is John. Read this to discover how I just had my ass handed to me.

Yesterday I returned a phone call from Mr. Dick Larkin. He told me that he is a rep for The Yellow Pages (not an accurate name but you get the idea) that mostly caters to smaller communities. He was a jovial guy to chat with and customer of Zane + Zara's. His interest in speaking with me was all centered around our usage of Living Social. Living Social is one of the rapidly multiplying internet coupon sights. He was very curious as to why we, as a retail establishment, would utilize one of these internet coupon sights.

A quick study guide for an internet coupon sight. The vendor, Zane + Zara's, sets a coupon amount and some basic rules such as: how many can be purchased, when they expire, etc, etc. We chose to do a "pay $25 get $50 merchandise certificate that excluded food products. The devil, as they say, is in the details. The basic 50% off coupon strips us of any profit because of our cost structure. You add on to this that when Living Social cuts us our check for the coupons purchased they take 40% of the $25 purchase price and then send us the balance. So, what we agreed to was allowing a customer to come into our store, purchase $50 worth of merchandise and we would receive $15. We lose money on every person that redeems a coupon but for the very few who over-spend the coupon amount. What we did get was a very high percentage of customers who have never been into our store. Whether they ever come back in is up to debate and will only be answered by time. Mr. Larkin has most assuredly made an attempt to keep these potential customers from ever returning.

As I said, Dick was a jovial guy to speak with. I had already been in contact with The Roscoe Village Chamber of Commerce about their offer to act as a conduit between local businesses and Groupon. I wanted them to know of our experience with Living Social and how the cost structure is very expensive for a retail establishment. They put me in contact with Groupon itself. I told them that while their idea is great they needed to be more upfront with stores and how the costs and benefits can be skewed based on what type of business they operate. When Dick began to question me, I was primed and ready. I absorbed his whole sob story about being driven out of business by Walmart and how he was trying to help small town businesses succeed. He was very upfront about really wanting to talk about internet coupons and what effect they had on our store. Boy did we talk and talk and talk and talk.

I suppose what has really gotten under my skin is how many of the facts for his blog have been altered.

• This one hurt too: the coupon almost put us out of business. If a bad advertising decision put us out of business, we're living far to close to the edge to begin with. We have made many bad decisions and we're still kicking. The good thing is that we seem to be making far more good decisions than bad ones. If I'm not mistaken, this is how it's supposed to work.
• All coupons have been redeemed and we have received a $1500 check from Living Social. Well, in truth only 92 coupons were sold (very successful) and only about a dozen have been redeemed. As for the check from Living Social, not at the store yet. Maybe in a week or so. 
• Let's look at, "Didn't the coupon holders buy more merchandise than just the $50." "Not a chance!" is my quote. The truth is the majority have kept their purchases close to the $50. A few have  bought above the amount of the coupon, though. I suppose it's the semantics here that bother me. "Not a chance!" makes me sound angry and put-out by the customer. I don't think anyone who knows or has interacted with me thinks that I would blame a poor decision by myself and Russell on our customer. We actually like what we do and the people who come into our store.
• The idea put forth by Dick that he initiated the conversation about us perhaps having future benefits from the customers brought in by the coupon and my saying, "It's possible but I don't think so. We attracted every cheapskate in Chicago..." Actually is a total flip of that piece of conversation. I have said to Dick, The Chamber of Commerce, our neighbors and the Groupon rep, that the one thing that might salvage this coupon for us is the new customers coming into our store. If they are only motivated by the "deal" well, yes, we will probably never see them again. If they are interested in, what we think, is a unique shopping experience and a fair price for great products then, we'll see them again. 
• Oh, and I love this one, "John, who owns a high-end pet boutique in Chicago." OK, yes the vaseline on the lens did obscure my face but, just how dumb is Dick? Everyone put the call out, how many John's own high-end pet boutiques in Chicago who just participated in an internet coupon. Actually, just how many John's own pet boutiques in Chicago. Should I start expecting invitations to little cocktail get-togethers so all of us boutique owning Johns can make shop talk?
• This is my last bullet point as I'm beginning to bore myself and my hurt feelings are starting to subside. (It's the ice cream.) 1500 sq ft is NOT TINY damn it! People say it every day, "wow, this place goes back further than it seems." The condos above us are 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. We have families living above us. And have you seen our heating bill during the winter. We may not be Macy's but we are NOT TINY. Dick's dog is TINY. Oh, and on a side-street? Side-street my ass! We are directly on W Roscoe. We are surrounded by great food and cool shops and a gym that is going to be the death of me. If W Roscoe is a side-street than so is Southport and we have TWO grocery stores. Has that Jewel on Southport even got a roof yet? And it's 4 steps down, not seven. I don't know why that bugs me but it does. I put a mop to those steps at least once a week and there are 4 of them. If ya' can't count, ya' can't blog Dick.

Now, what has been the point of all this ranting? Well, the point is Dick. He reps for The Yellow Pages and his lunch, I assume, is being eaten by the internet coupon businesses. If you are the correct business, they offer a huge bang for your buck. We, along with thousands and thousands and thousands of businesses have never even thought of taking a Yellow Pages ad. Think about it, when was the last time you actually picked up a Yellow Pages? If I need information, I go to my computer, my web-enabled phone or the GPS in my car. The Yellow Pages are a dying collection of ads and Dick is going to fight that fact with every weapon he has at his disposal. I thought I was just chatting with a sympathetic ear and made ANOTHER mistake. 

Am I thrilled with how our coupon has worked for us? No. Will we ever repeat this mistake? Probably not but at my age the memory is the first thing to go. Will I allow Dick's blog to go unchallenged? Well, we have that answer, don't we? Dick, I've visited your Facebook page and I don't recognize you or your dog but, if I were you, I wouldn't come in Zane + Zara's again. You see, I'm a forgive and forget kind of guy but Zane and Zara, that's their names up on the marque.  They might very well take you out back and beat you about your head and shoulders with a stuffed squirrel and then force you to watch as Zara bites its little head off. I've seen these two in action. It's not pretty.

John Ira Smith

Zane + Zara's

The Politics of Saving a Life

Hey, it's Zane. Once again, John has commandeered my blog to go off on a rant. I have to say, with much discussion, Zara, Zelda and myself are totally behind him. Please read on:

The Politics of Saving a Life

Wow, to say that I was taken aback is putting it mildly. Honestly, not taken aback; more disappointed. I certainly did not find myself surprised. I find myself very sad. Zane + Zara’s tries to do a Rescue Day each month. It is our way of giving back to our own community. We are firm believers in the rescue process. In our house we are all rescues. We were taken out of bad situations and given new chances. We are all grateful. 

Up until now, all of our Rescue Days have been breed specific: Dobermans, Dachshunds, Pugs, Golden Retrievers, etc. What we have been lacking is a, how to say it, general Rescue Day. You know, come one come all, everybody, every size and shape, welcome. So we’ve gone fishing...and fishing, and fishing, and fishing. We’ve tried everyone that we can think of to no avail. And the excuses are completely understandable: “If we do a rescue at Zane + Zara’s during the weekend, then those are dogs that won’t be at the main facility and potential adopters will be less than please.” I totally agree. If people are used to shopping at one place why split the merchandise?

Not long ago I received a phone call from Chicago Canine Rescue. Mind you, they’ve sent me packing before so I was intrigued. You see, a number of their volunteers shop at Zane + Zara’s and I, shamelessly and with vigor, would always tell them that we’d LOVE to do a Rescue Day for CCR. So you can imagine I was more than happy to “chat up” the lovely young lady on the phone that day. We talked and talked and, as God is my witness, we seemed to be on the same page. Until...Yeah, there is always an UNTIL. She made mention that a member of their board of directors is, none other than (drum roll please) the owner of Dog-a-holics. OK, everyone who thought this was water under the bridge, raise your hand. Seriously, raise your hand. Mine’s up. Even Zane, Zara and Zelda’s are up.

Well, the brakes were slammed on the whole conversation. I explained that there was some bad blood between Zane + Zara’s and Dog-a-holics. I told the nice young woman that while I wasn’t sure what caused the bad blood but that it culminated with a phone call to Zane + Zara’s telling us to stop stealing their customers. I said that while I would be more than happy to forge a nice relationship with Chicago Canine Rescue, they are after all just 4 or 5 blocks from our front door, she had better clear it with the board member in question. That was the end of that conversation. And I thought the last I’d hear from CCR.

Until, there’s that UNTIL Monday night around closing. As I’m pulling in our sign in walks the young lady with whom I spoke. She came to deliver the bad news that CCR would never be able to  utilize Zane + Zara’s. “It’s a conflict of interest,” she said. Now my reaction was rather nonplused as this was what I expected. Russell, on the other hand, was not happy. “All we want to do is help the dogs. How is it that one person can stop that process?”

“Well, it’s a conflict of interest.”

“Really? And what about all of the other sponsors? Just how did they get past this conflict of interest.” Take a moment and check out the CCR web-site. I see lots of conflicts. Just how did they get to make a difference? 

She stopped, as if she actually didn’t know that CCR had other pet industry sponsors. They do, all you have to do is peruse the CCR web-site. Pet stores, photographers, trainers, etc, etc. Ugh!

You know, I’d be inclined to just let this whole thing drop but for the idea that a pathetic political game is being played with the lives of animals. The idea bandied about when we chatted on the phone was that we could have a Rescue Day where dogs in foster homes could spend a day at our store. These are dogs that really don’t get much face time with the public as they’re in temporary homes. What a perfect idea. They aren’t in the main facility so we would not interfere with that and they tend to be forgotten unless the foster family can no longer care for them. We also offered our video monitor in the store to display pictures of dogs in foster care with little notes about them. 

Now I have to be completely honest here. From what the nice lady said, the issue was never even brought up to the owner of Dog-a-holiocs...as far as she knows. Other persons squelched the idea because they didn’t want to ruffle the feathers of said board member. What a load of crap. So dogs will go without forever homes just to mollify the ego of a bitter member of the board at CCR. I just want to vomit. I have to wonder is the Red Cross managed like this? What about the March of Dimes. Or, close to my heart, The America Cancer Society. Does PAWS operate like this? Should I not run the Chicago Marathon for PAWS because they have a relationship with, I don’t know, Wigglyville? What the hell people! Is this the Politics of Saving Lives today?

This is a call to arms....for the three people who actually read this blog. Pick up the phone and call Chicago Canine Rescue (773-697-8848) and lodge a protest. Tell them they are idiots for biting an outstretched hand. Tell them to reconsider. And then pick up the phone once again and call Dog-a-holiocs (773-857-7600). Tell them that this heavy handed approach to being on the CCR board must stop. Every avenue available must be taken when it comes to finding forever homes for homeless pets. 

Your humble servant...pissed off again,

John Ira Smith

Zane + Zara’s

Stealing customers: by John

OK, this is John. I'm in Dallas for the evening . While SKYPing with Russell he tells me about a call he got from Dog-a-holics. It seems that a number of their customers have signed on to our Zane and Zaras FANN page. Their knickers were in a twist because they thought we were trying to steal their customers. OK, let me get this straight: we, a retail store, were just accused of trying to steal another retail store's customers. Really? In America? A store was actually trying to corrupt another stores customer. Well, this just has, "Come to the Dark Side Luke," written all over it. Now that I have that little rant off my chest...Russell and I struggle everyday where to place our advertising dollars. We look at magazines, newspapers, direct mail, etc, etc. We seem to get the biggest bang for our buck by using the internet. We tweet, we Skype, we use various ad words, we blog and, yes, we use Facebook. Facebook and it's FANN pages is pretty new for us and seems to be a great way to reach out to our current and potential customers. So now that I've laid our cards on the table let's look at the accusation of us trying to steal customers. Am I going to rope off sidewalk space in front of Dog-a-holics and hock my wares? Nah, probably not. Personally I think that might be bad form let alone bad karma. Do I want their customers to take a walk through Zane and Zara's? Yes, I do. I want Dog-a-holics' customers to come into Zane and Zara's. I want them to come often and regularly. I want them to say hello, chat a while and offer comments.  I want them and all others to spend money. Do I want them to stop going to Dog-a-holics? To tell the truth, that's not my issue. We opened our doors because we thought we could offer a unique shopping experience for the dog and/or cat lover. We advertise in every way possible in order to bring EVERYONE into our store. I would get on the roof naked (Not something you really want to see, mind you.) and shout until I was hoarse if I would bring people into our store. If you are another retailer who feels threatened by these actions I'm sorry but, I'm not going to change. I like the people who come into Zane and Zara's. I want more people to come in and give us a "once over." I can't wait to open that next store and let people see how we've incorporated things that they've asked for. And then I want to open another store and another and another. (Total world domination comes later.) I think the thing that really gets to me is that when someone has come into Zane and Zara's looking for something we don't carry I have never hesitated to send them to Dog-a-holics or Wigglyville or 4-Legs. Before we opened our doors those were some of our favorite stores. I have no problem sending a customer over because I know they will have a good experience. Hell, I've even sent people over to Petco and/or PetSmart. We can't carry everything and I simply like to help people. So, that's it: Dog-a-holics I advertise. I want your customers to come into Zane and Zara's. I know that's not what you want to hear but it is the truth. "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door." Honestly, was that too dramatic?

John Ira Smith

Zane + Zara's

Getting fit...emergency liposuction and all

For those who follow my posts, all three of you, sorry for the tardiness of this latest missive. Google in all of their China bashing wisdom, decided that mine was a potential spam sight. Talk about guilty before proven innocent. They locked me out of my blog and then forced me to prove that I wasn't spam material. Ugh! Then, having gotten everything straightened out they still wouldn't let me back in. Finally I'm back in! And with so much to say. Russell has attached a blog to the Walk's With Zara web-site so this blog is going to be posted to this site and Walks With Zara. I think it'll be a good fit as it's all about getting up, getting dressed and getting some exercise.

*a week later, maybe two*

OK, let me just say, you humans are a total pain in the ass. I was set to write this blog about getting some exercise and use it as a launching pad for John's big announcement. Well, trying to get a commitment out of John is like pulling teeth. So, I'm just going to force him into a corner. Read on...

March is Pet Food month at Zane + Zara's. Every weekend will feature reps from some of the best foods offered at Zane + Zara's. I thought, hmmmm food, what a great time to talk about a balanced life. Cesar Milan likes to point out that dogs need exercise, discipline and affection. To put is more compactly, pets just like humans, need balance. If the balance is off the pet will never really grow into its full potential. Most people think that the be all, end all of pet ownership is affection. OK, affection is great. Hey, I'm all for snuggling up on the couch and getting my belly rubbed. Yet, like any tasty snack, too much of a good thing is, well, not a good thing. A snack is just that, a snack. A couple of times a day you need a good meal.  Lying around getting your belly rubbed needs exercise to give it balance and appreciation.

I know, I know, "but it's so hard and I just don't have time." What a load of crap. Chicago is one of the most dog friendly cities in the world. Get out and explore a little bit. A short web search will give you a long list of dog parks where you can just let us off the leash to entertain ourselves and socialize. You don't have to do a thing but keep an eye on us and soak up a little sun. And don't pull out that old chestnut of, "my dog just doesn't like other dogs." Just because you've done a rotten job raising your dog doesn't mean you don't have options. First of all, you could put some time and effort into socializing your dog. Tough yes, but there is so much help out there you really don't have an excuse.  Dogs are naturally social animals.  If you have a dog that is overly aggressive towards other dogs you don't have an aggression problem, you have a respect problem. A dog that lunges at other dogs is asserting him or herself above you. You see, its not the dog, it's you. This is, my friends, a topic for another blog. Back to exercise. If you can't have your dog in a social setting the dog parks are pretty quiet at night. John and Russell have taken myself and Zara to PupTown, at Marine and Lawrence,  after 7pm.  It's quiet and we just run around like maniacs and chase a lot of balls. It's a great experience.

Lest you think that's the only option for exercise, here are some other options. How about going for a walk. By "walk" I don't mean around the block. That's not a walk, that's just pathetic. Look at your watch as we go out the door. The goal is AT LEAST 30 minutes. Anything less is just a poop run. And tying us to a bike rack while you run into Jewel, does not count towards your 30 minutes. If we stop, the clock stops. Walk us to a nearby park, a coffee shop or pet friendly store. Let's all take in a bit of the city a couple of times a day, every day. And don't forget about going for a run. If we need exercise so do you. Spring and Summer are right around the corner so it's time to invest in some new running shoes and hit the side walks. Zara and I love to run. Our friend Jordon, from Walks With Zara, takes us for a run two or three times a week. It is fantastic. All that pent-up energy gets left on the side walks. And don't let me hear that you have a small dog so you can't run with them. John tells many stories about his late Dachshund named Manners. He used to take Manners and his other dog, Emily, to Piedmont Park in Atlanta. John would be on his roller blades and the dogs would run like their tails were on fire. Manners, with her short little legs, would run John and Emily into the ground. And add to that she always found the time and energy to veer off course and chase squirrels. So, just because you have a little dog, don't underestimate their stamina. A small dog will happily run a couple of miles with you. And honestly, look in the mirror -  couldn't you use a little run yourself?

There is a reason that Cesar Millan puts exercise at the top of his "to do" list. Without exercise there can be no balance to your life. Exercise calms the mind and quiets the soul. It gives you an appreciation of life. Be it a long walk, a run or just a visit to the park - exercise sets the stage for everything else. Once my mind is clear I know I'm much more receptive to learning things. I'm also less frustrated which makes me less inclined to pick fights with Zara. Which means I get bit less often which is a good thing. So here's what I'm saying: You've got a dog and a couch. They were NOT bought as a set. Get the dog off the couch and get them out into the world. Get out and get moving. Your pet needs it and you need it. Turn off the damn TV!

Before I sign off, I'm going to get myself into some trouble. As most of you know, John had a battle with cancer in 2008. He won but it took its toll. He spent most of 2009 putting his physical being back into order. Well now its 2010 and he's fat and out of shape. He's been kicking around the idea of running the 2010 Chicago Marathon. Well, I'm going to hold him to it. He's going to sign up with PAWS and raise money for them. Come into the store and hold his feet to the fire. Tell him to get off his ass and take me and Zara for a run! I'm serious here, he needs to be motivated. Short of me biting him in the butt he needs some pressure put on him. Every time you walk into Zane + Zara's make sure you mention it to him. "Hey John, hows the marathon training coming?"

Hugs and licks,

Zane

We just need to get out more...

House cat, house dog, house, house, house...why not just cat or just dog. There is always that familiar moniker of "house" or "outdoor" put before the type of companion. I ask why? Do you do that with your human children. "Yes, Martha, we decided to have a little boy and he's going to be a house-child. We are going to have his finger-nails pulled out and feed him dry food that will make him lethargic and crap funny. He'll be a perfect compliment to our out-door child that lives in a tent on the back yard." You'd be put in prison if you tried to do that but that's what you do to your pets. How about a little more balance to life. Why confine your companions to such a narrow life? How about if you just let us be companions? Let us come with you wherever it is you might be. Let us see the world.

This was originally supposed to be about cats. Cats really get stuck with this "indoor/outdoor" thing. Why is that? Cats have this "evil overlord" reputation and I think it's because they just don't get out enough. And when they get out, you put them in a box, toss them in the backseat and wonder why they freak out. Hell, if my only view of the outside world was from within the confines of a plastic box I'd howl too. Heck, if my only experiences in riding in the car were from within a box, to and from the vet...well, I can't imagine. Dogs get out more and I have to wonder why? We jump into the car at the first opportunity because we know that it is the way you get to the most amazing places: there is the grocery store parking lot, the gas station and its amazing smells, the wonderous park or the fantasmagorical road trip. OMG, road trips are mine and Zara's favorite thing in the world if for just one reason: french fries! John and Russell always share their french fries on road trips. They are the single most amazing snack ever and I have no idea what's in them. (I am drooling as I type.) But I digress, dogs love the car because we know how fantastic that ride can be. Cats hate the car because, well, they have tainted expectations: the box, the vet, the box, back home. It's like a scene from OZ...without Christopher Miloni. Blech!

Now follow the logic. You don't bring your cat in the car because of how they behave. They freak out because of what the car means to them. Their expectations are built around how you've always taken them in the car. Don't you see how it's not the cat that is the problem? It's you. Once again, it's your behavior that is the problem, not your companion's. Cesar Milan says it well, "I rehabilitate animals, I train people." As a cat lover (I know you're out there somewhere, reading this in a Starbucks.) wouldn't you like a cat that was just a little more...dog-like? Someone to run errands with or enjoy a picnic in the park? Well, get them out of the house more. Make the car ride the great experience that it should be: less prison cell and more hanging your head out the window. Less vet and more grocery store or gas station. And if you're apprehensive about the car try taking them outside. Just plain ol' outside. Pick up a cat harness and leash and go for a walk each day. Dog owners do this every single day. Why don't cat owners? Honestly, why don't cat owners take their companions out of the house? "Cats just don't walk on leashes." Really? You're going to fall back on stereotyping? One cat, off it's lithium, goes bonkers in a car and suddenly cats can't ride in cars. Now none of them even get the opportunity to learn to love the car. Cats climb trees and kill birds so none of get to put on a harness and go for walks. Have you people ever seen Zara go after a squirrel? OMG, have you ever seen her at the dog park?!?! It doesn't stop John and Russell from walking and working with her.

I suppose what I'm trying to get across is quit limiting your companions lives. That new kitten you're getting can be such a great animal if you will just give it/he/she a chance. Take 'em outside and in the car. Let them experience the world so they can accompany you on your journeys through life. That is what we're here for people. We're companions...even cats. Let us accompany you.

Cat Food Hell !!!

OK, I know nobody reads my missives but I refuse to go all complacent. This is about cat food and honestly, cats should be pissed. I mean I thought dog food was a little dicey but cat food takes dreck to a whole new low. The fact that cats are not collectively refusing to use their litter boxes amazes me. Just how weak is their union?!?! Originally, I was going to put paw to computer and write a little editorial about how cats needed to get out more. That totally took a back seat when I managed to pull up some web-site (name escapes me at the moment) and took a look at the ingredients list for a dry cat food. My God it was horrible. Even if cats did get out more, which I think they should, they probably wouldn't have the energy to enjoy it. Everyone thinks cats are all imperious and aloof but the truth is they don't feel good. All this time and energy spent in making cats seem like defacto rulers of the universe is just a big cover-up for the fact that you feed your cats a big bowl full of crap each and every day. Have you taken 2 minutes out of your day to read an ingredients list? Have you? Really? I don't think so.

What is with you humans? We are supposed to be your best friends and, we don't ask for much but, decent food should be a given. The following is part of an ingredients list for a popular dry cat food. It is in order, starting with the very first ingredient. I did not skip anything but did not provide the whole list as my paws would have cramped up. Let's discuss: Poultry by-product meal, corn meal, corn gluten meal, ground whole wheat, brewer rice (probably left over from some third world brewery) soy flour, animal fat (notice they don't tell you what animal), fish meal, meat and bone meal (What kind of meat? 7 day old ground lizard probably.), brewers dried yeast, phosphoric acid (too cheap to use citric acid) and, drum roll please, ANIMAL DIGEST. Animal digest...I had to look that one up. Even with the definition in front of me I'm at a lose to tell you what animal digest actually is. I can tell you this, it's not pretty. And folks, this is what you're feeding your cat. Why, you idiots ask me, is this food bad for my cat? Well, let's discuss.

Cats are carnivores. On top of that, they are not really omnivorous like dogs. Dogs, I am here to testify, will eat most anything. Cats are pretty much solid carnivores. Now that you know what type of pet you have, take a look at the ingredients again. Notice the amount of grains and grain by-products listed. Carnivore people, C-A-R-N-I-V-O-R-E. Their bodies don't know what to do with so much grain in their diet. Honestly, I'm surprised they don't crap on your heads as you sleep. Even the very first ingredient is not meat, it's poultry by-broduct meal. Ugh! Cat's aren't imperious or demanding, they're just pissed off. I can't blame them. If John and Russell fed me cat food, aside from the obvious issues, I'd probably poop myself to death. But before I passed my last wood chip I'd go and pee on everything in their closet. It would be a total revenge piss. Stop feeding your cat crap. Take two (2) minutes and read a label. Then go visit Zane + Zara's pet boutique. You'll find food that will make for a happier cat. A happier, healthier cat is a much better companion. You might even get some kisses instead of that distant, dismissive stare that says, "your job is to fill the bowls and leave the room." I know I'm happier when I'm well fed. Now if they would start allowing me to use the silverware...

Opening a business...just how stupid do you have to be?

Honestly, I've been waiting to write this missive for a long time. And the truth is, this will probably be a multi-day struggle. You see, I'm faced with a dilemma: Do I go all Harvard Business School on you and describe the intricacies of opening up a business in a bad economy or do I tell the truth. And believe me, the two are very different stories. Business School will prepare you for so many things that you'll face when opening a business. But, Business School will never be able to prepare you for two things: the whims of the consumer and the fact that most of the time you have to be a stark, raving lunatic to go into business for yourself. If you cannot make your peace with those two things you really need to rethink going into business for yourself.

I'm being very truthful here - if you're not prepared for the consumer to reject some, part or all of your business, your baby, your heart and soul - you probably need to stay in corporate america. Because, they will reject something. No amount of market research, corner polling or advertising will insulate you from the big, Roman thumbs down. Emotionally you need a thick leathery skin. And that stark, raving lunatic comment could not be closer to the truth. There is no good time to open a business and our current economic climate makes things that much worse. But the lunatic will grab onto any positive moment and run like hell. Example: Businesses are failing right and left, record high unemployment has seized the country but rents are low. The lunatic ignores the first two points and grabs the third like a cheap Las Vegas cocktail waitress. After all, cheap rent is something that will help a business survive. This is the mantra of a lunatic and said lunatic will chant this at any occasion. There's cheap rent or, oh and I love this one, "all of my competition has gone out of business or scaled back so much that there is an opportunity." Honey, there's no competition because the economy is a wreck. Just what are you thinking?!?! But the lunatic perseveres. They are not blind to the obstacles; just way more focused on the positive. John and Russell are lunatics to the core. You have never met two people who could focus so much energy on something positive.

Now, just how does a Thick Skinned Lunatic go about starting a business? The TSL needs a motivation. But for a TSL is needs to be a special motivation. Having a great product or idea is simply not enough for a TSL. A TSL will stand for years at the precipice of the cliff but never jump until that special motivation comes along. For John and Russell it was cancer and that fight with cancer motivated my two TSL's to do a lot of soul searching. Now, mind you, a special motivation does not have to be life threatening...but it helps. TSL's, you see, are drama queens. John and Russell felt that they were given a second chance at life.  They knew that their circumstances could have easily taken a different turn. Just what was this second chance going to look like?

Russell had a little dog walking business already, and as the economy got worse he seemed to get busier. This prompted a little, "can we do something with this?" Well, they both love animals, have retail experience and management backgrounds, so why not a little shoppe...a little pet store. And, as they are total lunatics, this just became completely obvious to them. A high-end pet boutique is just what they'd like to do. It would parlay the dog walking business into something greater. Now a sane person would point out that they really didn't have any experience in running a pet supply store. Hotels, office design, airlines, retail clothing, yes, but pet supply? Nope. Just how was this going to work? The lunatic does not say how. The lunatic just makes it happen. Lunatics are sort of like artists.

A great sculptor does not see a giant piece of marble. Michealangelo did not see the marble, he saw the David within. I would venture a guess that if you could go back in time and speak with him, Michealangelo would tell you that he simply removed all of the marble that didn't look like David. A TSL lunatic looks at a business the same way. If you remove all of the obstacles what you are left with is the business you dreamed of. Goal set, John and Russell went about removing all obstacles. And boy were there obstacles.

The story goes that there were three obstacles in the very beginning: How to finance it, where to put it and what to name it. The disagreements were over the name of all things. There was an uneasy truce over the name Zara's Stuff. John thought it was cute and breezy but Russell thought it lacked direction and dignity. And then I came along. As you might have noticed in their business practices, John and Russell will bend over backwards to make a customer feel like they are being treated fairly. It is instinctive to them and permeates their lives. With my adoption they decided that I needed to be added to the coming marquee.  So it was decided that the store would be Zane + Zara's pet boutique. Zara's Stuff, inc. became the parent company for the store and the dog walking business. What to name it was checked off the list. Now, where to put it.

Being lunatics, they were not going to know where to put it until they saw it. They involved their real estate broker and the hunt began. Two spaces quickly rose to the top. One was small but it spoke to them and what they wanted the store to be: food, fashion and fun. The other was large...too large maybe. But it was a shell ready to be customized and the owner was offering 6-months of free rent. They discussed and discussed and discussed. It was just so big. But the location was good. Starbucks across the street, Red Line stop about three blocks away and a 5 minute walk from our condo. And did I mention, 6-months free rent? Who, in their right mind, passes up 6-months of free rent? They put in an offer. Floor plans were drawn and the excitement began to percolate. Well, fate has a way of protecting the lunatics. Or at least giving them little lints. The condo association, as they had done in the past, began to give the owner problems. Did we really want 10 years of legal trouble? Was this beautiful space worth the potential trouble. John and Russell politely bowed out. At that point their real estate guy said they should take a look at a space near his office. It was a more manageable size, brand new and in a great neighborhood: Roscoe Village. They saw, they loved and the rest is history.

Financing this endeavor was probably one of the most complex issues Russell and John faced. And it forced them to do something away from the lunacy. It forced them to do a business plan. Common sense told them that they really didn't want to use their own money. Using someone else's money is always a better idea. But who was going to loan money to them for a start up in a bone-suckingly bad economy? Well, how about the Small Business Administration?  Isn't that what they're for...loaning money to small businesses? The online resources from the SBA are substantial and very useful. For the uninitiated there were lessons on business plans, financing, renting vs owning, tax information, et al. As bright as they are, John and Russell made good use of the SBA web-site.

The rest of the story is typical lunacy. An obstacle would pop up and they'd remove it. The master plan for this endeavor called Zane + Zara's became a living entity. It grows and evolves every single day. John and Russell set out to be a destination for all those looking for the best in dog and cat products. You need to come in a see how they are succeeding. Come in and say hello to the lunatics.